We named our party play list daddy issues
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
Randomize
