Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
Randomize
