I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
i've created a new STD.
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
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