based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize
