They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
Randomize
