It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
Randomize
