piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
Randomize
