Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
Randomize
