He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
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