Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
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