Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize
