Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
only you would photoshop your dick
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
Randomize