I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
I just googled if crying burns calories
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
