Are we in a gay sports bar?
Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
After going down on me he either said "there, it's over" or "there's an odor"... I couldn't hear him and was too embarrassed to ask him to repeat himself. I just got dressed, grabbed my bag, and left. So I don't think there's gunna be a second date. =(
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
In other news, I just burned my penis
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
Randomize
