Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
Randomize
