I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
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