I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
Randomize
