Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
Randomize
