There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
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