Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
Randomize
