I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
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