Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
Randomize
