bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
Randomize
