Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
Randomize
