So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Randomize
