Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
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