I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
well, if it gives you any insight into how crazy it was, i am currently wikipediaing "anullment"
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
Randomize
