You can't special order awesome
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
Randomize