After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
Randomize
