party is dying down. we just wrote whore in the yard with gas. Photos to come.
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
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