I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
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