I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize
