i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
Ran into him today. He apologized via facebook. sometimes I hate our generation
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize
