i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
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