sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
