Just watched a UNI fan at the bar lick the tears off of a KU fans face.. See what march madness does to people
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Randomize
