I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
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