This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
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