i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
I just threw up on my dentist
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
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