well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
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