what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
I feel like a drive thru vagina
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
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