Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
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