Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
Randomize
