i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
I have a page in my 2010 scrapbook dedicated to pictures of his cock.
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
