can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
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