My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
I did not marry a roomba.
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