Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
Randomize
