Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
Randomize
