you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
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