Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
Randomize
