You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
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