It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
It was a blind-side dick pic.
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
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