He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
Randomize
