ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
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