Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
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