I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
Randomize
