I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
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