Yeh xou jao i ama wa7tdud !!
Oh my god. its not even twelve thirty and you are useless.
Is it just me or are more fat girls getting belly button piercing these days?
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
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