dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
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