The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
Randomize
