I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
Randomize
