New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize
