i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
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