you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
Randomize
