the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
if you need to find her look her up on www.imastupidslut.org
.org?
yeah. they're non profit. helps them sleep at night.
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
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