pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
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