Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
Randomize
