What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
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