sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
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